WHAT IS A CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

A conscious relationship is one you enter into with the intention of continual self-grow, where you embrace vulnerability and take responsibility.

IS IT WORTH THE EFFORT?
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OMG yes! When you opt for a conscious relationship you’re signing up for greater presence, peacefulness, compassion, connection, joy and PLEASURE, both in your life in general, and in your relationship.
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WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE UNCONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS THEN?
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It’s a big deal, conscious relationships require vulnerability. Which can be hugely scary, especially when you don’t understand the drawbacks of avoiding it, or the benefits from leaning into it.


When we avoid vulnerability, like I used to, it’s because we’re afraid of letting ourselves be seen, especially all the gritty, gnarly and not-good-enough-feeling parts.


And it can be tough to imagine that along with those gritty parts resides the greatest, unique-est (not technically a word), SEXIEST parts of us, the parts that an ideal partner would be drawn to like a donkey to a carrot.
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​SO HOW DO I CREATE A CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP?
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You begin by creating a conscious relationship with yourself. It may sound strange but here’s how you do it…


The first thing is to realise that the way you treat yourself and the way you expect to be treated is how your partner will treat you too.


So let’s begin by checking in with how you treat yourself… Including the things you say about yourself inside your head.


Think of how you speak to yourself about your body, intelligence, capability, productiveness, your past, the food you eat, your habits, what you look like in the morning, your financial situation and your career…


Leave nothing unturned and see what your genuine feelings are about yourself.


Any thoughts telling you off, berating you or subtly letting you know you’re not good enough are the areas you currently have a negative view of yourself and you now get to change.
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AHHH OK HOW DO I DO THAT?
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For example if you hate your legs and you always insult them…

1. Begin by noticing every time you insult your legs.

2. When you catch yourself in a insult switch breathe, acknowledge how it felt, often when we realise that how we speak to ourselves feels really hurtful it helps us to change.

3. Consciously replace the insult to your legs with a compliment you genuinely feel that can be about anything at all. For example ‘I have beautiful eyes.’ or ‘I’m an incredible artist and I love creating.’

4. Once you’re out of the habit of insulting your legs. Begin to notice what’s great about them. That they carry your body, you can walk up stairs and so on…

Note: This is NOT a fool proof way to change your feelings towards yourself. BUT it’ll definitely be a great start, and if you’d like help letting go of your destructive feelings towards yourself, contact me now I’d love to help.


Another way to create a conscious relationship with yourself is to collate contrary evidence of what you’ve been telling yourself. Ask friends and colleagues, compile examples in your life that prove your viewpoint false. Again this exercise is unlikely to heal deeper issues for why you say unkind things to yourself, but it’ll be a great start.
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IT’S OK TO WANT TO CHANGE
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It’s totally OK to not love something about yourself or your life, and to want to change these things, but to bully yourself and to think of them incessantly isn’t going to help you create the change you desire.

In fact it’ll keep you focused on what you don’t like and that’s one sure fire way to remain stuck. And rememeber this is about setting a precedent for how you wish to be treated, by a partner and by everyone. And no one wants to be constantly harassed or put down by others.
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YOU DON’T NEED TO PERFECT
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You do NOT need to be perfect. Aim for compassion and getting better at treating yourself the way you deserve… which in case you’re not aware is like the most treasured and loved creature you can imagine, then times it by 1000.

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SO…HOW WOULD YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER TO BE WITH YOU?
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Because before I got together with my partner Phil I’d become really great at speaking to myself kindly, honouring where I was doing great, validating my emotions, speaking kindly to my body, giving myself the love and support I needed…


And this and much more is what I receive back from Phil. This practice of loving and honouring yourself more is so worth it, not just to have an awesome conscious relationship, but to live the life you’ve always wanted to live.

THE OTHER IMPORTANT PIECE OF PREPARING FOR A CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP IS THIS…
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Practice with other people! Your family, your friends and colleagues. Lean into vulnerability, and work on holding space for others to do the same with you. And of course begin taking responsibility for your uncomfortable emotions that arise.


For more of my help, click the link below to receive my FREE roadmap:
THE 9 ACTIONS THAT LED ME TO FIND LOVE